I made a self referral to IAPT, for the depressive brain slug which has settled atop my noggin over the last couple of years. Early menopause, random stress and concern over health of multiple family members, 16+ months of apocalypse now-then-tomorrow, and work related gubbins resulted in my introvert social avoidance turned up to eleven, a “meh” attitude towards my many hobbies, and a “does it really matter” anyway attitude towards a hell of a lot of things. Scraping along with bare minimum effort to life finally wore me down. I’m not unaliving depressed, just…a constant sluggish… meh to everything and I didn’t want it to keep getting worse.
Apparently at third time of asking over last couple of years my brain is crap enough that I can have a little help.
So I am engaged in online CBT sessions. They are like anonymous group lectures via teams. We pipe up in chat and vote anonymously, to the poor therapists talking and presenting into a faceless void.
Every week I rate my mood and habits and send it off.
Every week I get a workbook to go through which reminds me what we talked about, and my homework.
The executive dysfunction is not helpful with that but I’m trying.
I’m not sure I’ve got the hang of “ if not sleeping get up and do something else” properly. I think they meant read a book, not drive 70 miles to the sea in the middle of the night. But I had a good 5-6 hours of brain not overthinking, which was good. And I enjoyed it. Which made a change.
I visited my friend for the afternoon ( vaccinated and fresh air/outdoors ) , saw my godchildren for the first time in forever ( they have grown up too much). That was good too.
I’ve also picked up my crochet patterns again. Nothing too ambitious. Just a Graphghan of Tom Hardy for above friend. it might be finished by the end of the year. If I can find all the yarn shades I need. But I’m looking.
I’m probably still going to ask my doctor about upping the sertraline dose a bit. But I’m halfway through this CBT stuff and the brain slug is not quite so present all the time.