I blame the woolvalanche

Okay, so I might have taken up crochet again. A bit. I might have finished the epic pink blanket, and the stripey blanket, and half a dozen pairs of fingerless gloves and be halfway through the rest of the blankets and
I keep bringing wool home, and theres a bit of a pile…..

Must review TopGear Aquacar challenges

Ok, Monday the 17th was a bit wet, if one thinks about the deluge that ensued. It was a bit like driving through a vertical river, until we hit the M9, at which point it was like driving several feet under the surface of a river.

It wasn’t so much standing water on the motorway as it was gushing and flowing. I’m pretty sure there were ducks in the hard shoulder !

Watching articulated lorries aquaplane is not the worlds most comforting activity. Unless you have an adamantium rollcage in your car ( ** not an optional extra in a FordFiesta ) and/or you are James Bond ( I’m not )

We did set off to have a bit of a mooch about, take in the odd farm shop, do some local touristy things. GrangeMouth is not one of them. It’s a hidoues unscreen blot on the landscape. these things should be subterranean lairs under a telltubby like hill with just the chimney and vent stacks poking into the air, amidst a forest. Evil Geniuses manage it all the time, so why doesnt BP and Exxon?

It kid of spoils the view of everything in the general vicinity. Hopetoun house, which has a really cool curved entryway arch over the road. what can you see from the house? Hideous towers and gas venting into the atmosphere. Yuck.
( although I did get some cheese from the farm shop to replace last years cheese which got et by my loving family. They didnt post it on, just nibbled it on crackers, the fiends )

We passed it on the way to to the Falkirk wheel which i was really impressed with. the cheer scale of the thing does take you by surprise. As does the canal coming over the hilltop, supported on struts, and then stopping. Dead, jutting out over the basin.
The wheel itself has two duck face protusions, pointing the directiion it turns in. They don’t actually have duck faces painted on them, but perhaps they should !

Or puffins. With the big eyes.

Some folks were taking a boat trip up the lift along the canal and back again. We opted not to. I’m sure that its really well made, and there’s no way that a boat can slip out of the end of the cradle once the lock is in place, but…
and its not the going up that bothers me. Its the coming back down again. Sailing along, sailing along, er, where does the canal go… oh it just stops? Hurray ! And a little lock is all that stops us from plummeting to our untimely doom? Well, good show then.

Yes, so… No.
Instead we stood outside in the absolute pouring rain-ness of it all, and watched other poor suckers get into the steamed up narrowboat, unable to see what was happening out of their windows.

We went back inside at the point at which catastrophe was no longer imminent, and ate soup, sitting next to the slanted glass window. It’s slanted, because if it wasnt, the giant duck beaks would hit the wall on the way round. which makes sitting under it, drinking coffee, a bit ominous. There’s no obvious noise, just an awareness that something above eyelevel is moving. so you tip your head back and can see the cradle, and duck beaks, heading straight for the window. And missing.

It’s beautiful, in a weird kind of way that something so ugly and concrete and visible can be, because its absolutely engineered to perfection with smooth flowing lines and everything hidden and tucked away. I could watch it for hours, but eventually we set off as we’ve dried out in the cafe for long enough.

Wake me up when…

(preferred month) ends, to paraphrase nothing in particular.
I could sleep till then, given opportunity. The topomax that .i’m taking for the migraines have the effect of making me feel like I’ve just had a migraine. Only instead of feelin wishy-washy tired and gritty eyed for a day or so.. it’s permanent.
Right now I’m not seeing any reduction in frequency and I never feel better. I’d rather have the infrequent brain foozles, sleep it off and recover, than to perambulate along semi-comatose with one hemisphere of my brain on permanent downtime. I happen to like my synapses firing.
Roll on neurologist! He said there were other options! Lets go for it.

Also, for the record, nerve function tests are nasty!

” We’re just going to electrocute each finger, see how your nerves work”

Sounds more pleasant than it actually is. And I know it sounds ghastly. Its rathe like continually smacking your funny bone, only in each finger, for about twenty minutes.
I’m hoping they’ll suggest robot arms instead of the rubbish ones I have.


Occasionally, when I am bored, I feel the urge to make folks into the undead. No, not hungover people, I do mean the walking dead. However given that I don’t dance, and don’t drink ( so no rum ) VooDoo is out of the question, so I have to resort to other methods.

Andy as a Zombie

This is a a practise run on Andy. I was going for the “Something ripped out my throat, and my beer may dribble through”
This is the contents of my normal make up bag, including an old red lipstick I don’t use anymore, and some flour and water paste, for that sagging fleshy look. Hours of fun for all the family. At least when I zombified Me, James, Andy and Sarah and we all turned up at the bonfire looking like the fireworks had gone badly wrong already.

Greenwitch. Thats and Eye not a spot

The next year, feeling a little bolder,I decided to go with the same idea for halloween.
When I dress up, I like to dress up. I’m not a fan of half measures, so head to toe bodypaint doesnt faze me at all.
For the record, that’s a mystical third ( gummy) eye. Not a wart or a spot. I don’t know who licked it and applied it, I wasnt wearing it when I arrived, but it stayed rather firmly attached for the duration. And really, why mess with a good thing?

I thought, Why not do the Undead thing again. It’s always good for a giggle. and I Just happened to have all the fake blood, liquid latex and fleshy bruisey paint palettes from the halloween before.
A couple strategic rips and tears of an old t-shirt, an hour or so dabbing and creating a fake lip.

tres zombified

Two minutes work to rip said lip off again, paint under it for that wet look, and then stick a peice of wire through the edges to hold it together, which gives that lovely protruding spike from the side.

Based on this evidence, I’ve almost convinced the team at work to be undead for halloween.

Dear Mint. You fail!

I have nurtured life.
Basil perches on my windowsill, leafy and green, in a jam jar, grown from seed. I have not seen success of this nature since the old cress-on-cotton-wool-in-an-eggshell-for-a-humerous-wig thing when I was eight.

Here is the proof.













Yes, that is my windowsill, and that is one of my frogs.

Note the ineffable look of smugness on its little green face.

At this point, I should pause to remember the fallen who came before.

  • Cress in an eggshell (age 8)
  • Lots of sunflowers. It just didnt work.
  • Carrot tops on cotton wool.
  • Lucky Bamboo
  • Actual outdoors Bamboo. Several of them
  • Bonsai fig tree
  • Calamondin (tiny orange tree)
  • UnLucky Bamboo
  • Mint. Yes, I know. It just dies. everytime. I was told that only the apocalypse could destroy it, and in the days after Ragnarok the cockroaches would be nibbling on mint leaves. Ha!

Let us hope this marks a new era.

Pity I don’t like Basil as a herb really.

The toast has eyes …..

This damn thing follows me round the house.

It’s in the fridge , microwave, bathroom,lurking on the landing and on windowsills, in darkened corners. Waiting and looking at me with its beady little eyes.

Domo-Kun was Adams present from Wiggy for christmas.  I’m not sure it was intended as an instrument of evil, but  it’s currently being used to create a reign of terror!
I have no idea why I find it so disturbing but it is!

On an unrelated note, I have also gotten quite into the music of Jonathan coulton who has a Weird Al type vibe going on. I reccomend the following :

  • Re: Your brains
  • Code Monkey
  • SkullCrusher Mountain